by Teenage Detective | Jul 15, 2011 | Nancy Drew Research Institute
Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! What need of you a smoky eye? A raccoon eye? Retinyl palmitates? A come hither stare or even a body made skeletal? All you need is Mystery Eye. It costs nothing, it leaves no chemical trace that will later morph into some unspeakable cancer of...
by Teenage Detective | Jul 4, 2011 | Nancy Drew Research Institute
There have been no messages of love, support, or personal shame posted on the Nancy Drew Research Institute’s much beleaguered plywood window proxies. That privilege has been reserved for the deserving corporate entities down the street whose “business as...
by Teenage Detective | Jun 20, 2011 | Nancy Drew Research Institute
Sweet Jesus…has forgotten to come again and here we were in the trenches battling the overdrunk fans of the men who chase and swat at small black things while wearing skates. Unbeknownst to any of you, the NDRI head offices were located at the epicentre of the...
by Teenage Detective | Jun 3, 2011 | Nancy Drew Research Institute
We read. We learn. 1940s Nancy is far spunkier, ruder, bitchier, more entitled, more unlawful, more prone to serious injury and surviving major death encounters (plane crash, thrown overboard into the mid Atlantic at night, attacked by a jaguar, etc..) She is not...
by Teenage Detective | May 26, 2011 | Nancy Drew Research Institute
Things went awry here at the Nancy Drew Research Institute. Very awry. The Board of Directors. An emergency meeting. The Impending Rapture. Whores. Drugs. Booze. (Why always these three?) Dismissal of Board. Staff left in the lurch, cobbling together our very reason...
by Teenage Detective | May 15, 2011 | Nancy Drew Research Institute
Jesus. The Nancy Drew Research Institute has been a hub of whirlwinds. We have just found out that the rapture is coming on May 21st and we are horrified! According to our whip-paced schedule we will be in the actual process of inputting the statistics from The...
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