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Things went awry here at the Nancy Drew Research Institute. Very awry. The Board of Directors. An emergency meeting. The Impending Rapture. Whores. Drugs. Booze. (Why always these three?) Dismissal of Board. Staff left in the lurch, cobbling together our very reason to live for another few weeks when THE REAL RAPTURE happens. My God. What were they thinking – the Board? Mega-doses of Benzodiazepine in the coffees all round made for lunatic ideation, panic attacks, generalized paranoia (nothing out of the ordinary, meeting-wise) but when the gorgeous angels arrived all hell broke loose. A tumbling loss of inhibition, bouts of honest (and faked) amnesia, and surreal psychic connections with what turned out to be Chippendale employees hired by the misdirected Board. Throw some Turkish towels in the mix to soak up the liquids and you have yourself a passel o’ Nancy Drew researchers riding roughshod over previously denied wish fulfillment and their years of training in attention to detail. The shareholders of the NDRI had themselves an emergency meeting and in no time at all decided to dismiss the entire Board and were about to fire all of us but were threatened with a class action suit. Before the roofies kicked in someone decided that we should research all of the Nancy’s that we could get our hands on. A smart decision really. Longer term employment for those not ascension-bound. Quite frankly, all the mantles of righteousness here in Happy Valley, Canada, USA are dirty, dirty, dirty. Although we were under the influence, we still hang our heads in some semblance of shame – a shame that singes because we are forced to read about Nancy’s loveliness, kindness, wonderfulness, intrepidness, chasteness, world without end….