Sweet Jesus…has forgotten to come again and here we were in the trenches battling the overdrunk fans of the men who chase and swat at small black things while wearing skates. Unbeknownst to any of you, the NDRI head offices were located at the epicentre of the hockey riot pandemonium of last week. It was our official NDRI Mystery Machine that was turned over and set afire, it was our plate glass windows that were shattered. People were looting our mysterious offices and running off with valuable research notes and books. Thank the sweet baby jesus for real world convergence because two opportune things happened.
1. One of our shareholders was here thinking that with everyone’s attention being focussed on the hockey game across the street, that he could come and do some graft and corruption.
2. For some strange reason, Dr. Nancy Monkey, who, up until Game 7 was firmly embedded in a drug induced coma, miraculously awoke, cried out “Kesler, I am coming home…” ripped out her various tubes and whatnot, ran from the hospital and found herself not only in the epicentre of the riot, but participating as well. While she was ripping the heads off of chickens with her bare teeth she noticed that these were the new NDRI chickens we had recently acquired and she somehow came to her senses. According to eyewitnesses and a now banned youtube video she opened her purse and pulled out a flashlight, a burlap bag, a tube of lipstick and a quizzing glass and got to work. When the crazed drunken young men saw the burlap bag they ran screaming, when the crazed drunken young woman saw the quizzing glass the reptile part of their brains (the part that remembers reading Nancy Drew under cover at the cabin in the interminable summer vacation with family) kicked into overdrive and they not only withdrew but bravely led the horde elsewhere. Dr. Nancy Monkey was left in the ruins looking across the street at the Mystery Offices. She espied the single shareholder whose sticky fingerprints were everywhere. Under the steely gaze of Dr. Nancy Monkey, he confessed all: his part in the nefarious scheme to sink the Institute, being a plant from the Dana Girls Research Institute. Under pressure, he identified the other infected members of the NDRI shareholders.
3. Luckily, Chief McGinnis came by at that moment, and arrested the criminal member of the radical group.
Dr. Monkey mused on the quickness of the man to turn in his fellow conspirators and was immediately worried as to whether or not this might become a larger societal trend and then she cleaned up the leavings, nailed up burlap bags over the compromised window panes and used her lipstick to freshen up before leaving the much beleaguered offices of the NDRI. She has not yet shown up here at the smoldering ruins of the NDRI. We hope that she is holed up somewhere safe.