Nancy Drew Research Institute
Happy Valley, Canada
Pego Fasil Venkatanarasimha
Rubber and Plastic Pipe Store
426 Lalkuan Bazar Road
New Delhi, India 110024
Dearest Nancy Drew Research Institute of Happy Valley,
A colleague from your venerable temple contacted our Manager of Excises with the notion that our company should reinvent itself as the Nancy Drew Research Institute – India Branch. Your venerable colleague suggested to our Manager of Excises that the days of rubber pipe and plastic are over and the future is given over to the commodifying of information. We could not agree more with the notion of the future and we cannot agree more that the Western world turns to India for our indispensable services in terms of technology and digital information streams. However, we are confused. Is it true that you require no customer service 1-800 number to be staffed by our Manager of Excises and his Assistant? This cannot be so. We provide excellent customer service and would do so efficiently from our office here in New Delhi. Not for us the music that goes on and on saying your call is important to us. We answer promptly and efficiently. Your lack of desire for staff to work the phones leaves us suspicious.
As well, with deepest gratitude we humbly thank you for the Nancy Drew book #28, The Clue of the Black Keys. We set our rubber pipe and plastic restocking staff to work on the statistics as requested. Within hours it became apparent that there were problems. Their dismay ranges from the obvious discomfort with the young girl’s lack of parental guidance, access to money, questionable clothing choices and her triumphing over men (though they be evil), to questions of her place in the pantheon of American humans. The restocking staff researchers are nervous because Miss Drew herself is too close an incarnation to our Supreme Hindu deity, Durga. Durga is the mother of all Gods and is known as The Invincible. It is Durga who maintains the moral order and righteousness in the Universe. Likewise with Miss Drew. The problem is that there is an ancient Vedic text that stipulates rigorous laws regarding who is allowed to engage in the contemplation of Durga – she, who is so wonderful and powerful. The second problem is that Miss Drew is Durga incarnated as a leg showing teenager. The final problem is that the cult of Holy mystics whose lifelong occupation it is to understand Durga do not work here at the Rubber and Plastic Pipe Store. Nor would it be possible to lure them from their own Temple of Durga to work here. They just would not do so.
We humbly regret that we cannot continue this research. We do, however, have excellent rubber and plastic pipes.
Mr. Pego Fasil Venkatanarasimha
Assistant to the Manager of Excises