We’ve had a very stressful week here at the Nancy Drew Research Institute. The NDRI rents an office/laboratory in a large professional building here in Happy Valley. The management company that runs the building has come down hard on the quality of the research that is being undertaken by the six research institutes that are housed here. We, of the NDRI, are under the opinion that the qualitative aspects of our research is none of their fucking business but it seems that management companies are the myrmidons of insurance companies who themselves are the myrmidons of the lizard people and the strained voices of six separate research houses can’t possibly be heard beneath the collective grinding of their reptilian dentalia. All of this is to say that the research this week was done under the un-benign eye of self-appointed overlords who have the power to make our lives more difficult. To this end the NDRI will be publishing fake findings in a quarterly corporate report while we continue the real work here…dissembling in the name of truth and beauty.