Jumping Jesus on a stick! We are both ashamed and ennobled by our tardy reporting of FACTS and FIGURES about yon young whippersnapper N.D. She has beguiled us into believing that our work is of the UTMOST import and therefore people will wait in a trembling way for the next THRILLING instalment of STATISTICS about her derring-do and subtle maneuvering to shine shine shine. “No matter how tardy we might be, they will wait,” she coos into our ears as we fall asleep over her plaintive coddling of the temporarily insane spinster giving away her precious gems to evil men. “They love us,” she intones as we again nod off while she takes a trip to New Orleans for four hours and then decides to return post haste to River Heights. “All good things come to those who are patient,” she moans, her very exhalation hurting our sleep gritted eyes, which try to take in the blaspheme of a young sixteen-year-year old woman who can call up the police in Chicago and have them do as she bids. All of which is to say we hope you enjoy this hard won information.
Management is up to its old tricks, this time invoking some relatively unknown medieval jurisprudence which allows liberal punishment for people maintaining a proximal relation to false prophets – in word or deed. Seeing as this book was all about false seances, three of our more dedicated researchers are currently in the NDRI dungeon, hanging by their ankles. We think this is wrong but cannot afford lawyers to prove it. We research while they moan in despair. As you can imagine, the atmosphere is not conducive to a fair and balanced reportage. We sweat bullets and take notes.