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So here’s the dealio. The researchers here at the Nancy Drew Research Institute (NDRI) bought a group lottery ticket in the hopes of winning – gasp – 50 million dollars. We were heady with the excitement of largesse and benevolence and our own Buddha selves and now nobody is talking to each other at all. The air is thick with a palpable – can I say it? – hatred. Which, of course, makes it difficult to carry through with the research. Innocent beginnings reap the nastiest of ends. In our case it was the way in which we chose the numbers. Laughingly, the more alpha of the researchers over-ruled the more cringing of us and decided to consult a fat assed gypsy (she who has parked her caboose in the empty parking lot next to the derelict parking lot which is next to the building that houses the NDRI.) She consulted the Romany ether, gave us the numbers with return promises of great reward. Although this will be difficult to believe, dear faithful twelve readers, (who spend on average two minutes on each of these NDRI posts), every single one of her numbers were off by one.


And what is freakier is that they were all over by one. So the beta-researchers here are pissed that their idea of consulting the I Ching was brushed off in favour of the face-to-face receiving of the information from a bona fide gypsy woman. It has been muttered about the laboratory that it is a statistical miracle that this has happened and one of the researchers is crunching the numbers as we speak.

The gypsy left in the middle of the night, taking our ten bucks and our once easy camaraderie. Our eyes are hollowed out having almost glimpsed profound wealth.

The Nancy Drew research has ground to a halt. The notes from this week were sub-contracted out to the same people who brought us the research notes in the first place, the Association of Nancy Drew Research Guidelines Research (ANDRGR).